The hatching hen

Have you met a “hatching hen”? You surely did. You had to deal with this character. Let me describe you my hatching hen:

           1.The hatching hen can be a woman or a man, of any age.

– s/he has a neutral expression on her/his face (poker face), no matter what s/he talks or listens

– s/he has sloooow moves, you think you’re in an American parody which excessively uses slo-mo effect

– s/he speaks slowly but especially with fainted voice, almost whispering. If you are not quiet, you lose the chance to receive an important piece of information. Some hatching hens use this trick as part of a control strategy to impose on others, some hatching hens are usually drained of strength.

– s/he gives off ZEN politeness that you want to shove it up her/his throat. In fact s/he really wants to annoy you and than to imply that YOU’re the difficult interlocutor/client

         2.One can meet the hatching hen in all sorts of organizations, apparently more often in the public system

– the hatching hen is found in execution positions but also in management positions, in private businesses and in public institutions

– s/he hatches everything: words, documents, messages, answers, the help you ask her/him as a colleague (the goal being not your personal interest but your department’s and thus the organization’s). You’re sick and tired of it and you want to give up and you really would but you are organic-departmental linked to your hatching hen

  1. The hatching hen bristles up and pinches if you disturb her/him

– if you’re not her/his direct superior you have to be very careful when you express your colleague demands to the hatching hen. Clear, rarely and many times. But polite, scholastic and obliged.

– even if you are her/his boss, don’t rely on her/him to finish an assignment, for you to cross it out of the to-do-list. Don’t cross it out, verify first.

– s/he does important things (don’t know exactly what, very demanding though), s/he “sacrifices” for greater good and thus we have to tip toe and whisper.

– s/he springs at you if you bother her/him. That is why s/he is a hatching hen and not a hen.

  1. S/he always comes back to the nest

– my hatching hens are hatching hens forever. The real hatching hen, after she hatches and after the chicken come out and they grow up, she becomes hen again. My hatching hen remains so, hatching being the perpetual and natural state of being.

– do you have an urgent need NOW? S/he invites you to recap together the first symptoms, s/he gives you the rocket theory, s/he gives precious advices, always “from experience” and than asserts that you don’t really need what you ask. And s/he doesn’t have what you’re asking for, anyways.

– even if s/he is forced for a period of time to act “unnatural”, in the spirit of efficiency that is, time solves everything. S/he will always come back to hatching, with the satisfaction of the real hatching hen that removes the waiting peril for the eggs. With the winner’s satisfaction.

So if you hear me say a hatching hen annoyed me or that the X Business’ strategy man is a hatching hen, you’ll know what I mean and you won’t think I tried to fight the mother-hen.

 By Raluca Filip